I a Cuttlefish!
One day, Cod was swimming along in the Cosmic Ocean. The Cosmic Ocean, you see, is the great ocean up in the sky in which all divine beings live. Of course, most of the divine beings are not fish, so they cannot breathe in the ocean. They also tend not to be able to die though, so they're stuck in a state of perpetual immortal drowning. Which is why they're not usually awake and actively doing stuff in the mortal realms - at least until they can find some air bubbles.
So right, one fine day ... at least, as much of a day as one has in a celestial realm far from the Earth and its usual sources of light. In fact, it's a bit awkward to use the concept of "day" at all, since the realm doesn't rotate relative to a star or other obvious light source. In fact, most of the Cosmic Ocean is a hazy twilight of not-quite day or night, filled with stars twinkling off in the distance. Occasionally, bio-luminescent fish drift by, but obviously they're not reliable or bright enough to create a day/night cycle. And even then, the very concept of-
« Are you quite done, Narrator? I'm trying to get somewhere. »
Sorry, I got a little lost in thought. So back to the swimming then. Cod swam past many other divine beings that drifted motionless in the dimness of the Cosmic Ocean, when suddenly the sound of chanting could be heard drifting up from the depths below.
Curious, as this was not the time for the Seventeenth Annual International Chanting Championships, Cod adjusted course and swam in the direction of the sound. Soon the darkness gave way to flickering candles and robed figures gathering around a great slumbering form. The forms danced and swayed in rhythm with the chanting, and small tentacles extended from the ends of their many sleeves.
« What is going on here? Who are you all ... and what is that strange figure here? »
Many eyes turned and stared at Cod in a mixture of awe, confusion, and anger. A hundred waving tentacles - brandishing spoons, chopsticks, tongs, and other ritual instruments - wheeled about to turn their attention towards the interloping fish.
“Who dares disturb our great ritual?! The stars are not yet right! You must not awaken the sleeper!”
« Sooo yeah, it's me - Cod. You know, the creator of everything and probably also ruler of the Cosmic Ocean? You've probably heard of me ... and I certainly haven't heard of you. »
“Blasphemer! Heretic! We pay no homage to a fish. We give praise only to the Great Sleeper who Slumbers Beneath the Waves - Cuttlefish!”
In unison the other voices around the circle chanted "I a Cuttlefish! I a Cuttlefish!"
« Oh, I get it - you're all cephalopods. You're worshiping an even bigger cephalopod called "Cuttlefish". It's cute, really cute. But I don't think he has even a fraction of the power that I have. You should really cut this whole weird Octopus Cult thing and get behind my way more reasonable Fish Cult. »
The apparently leader of the gathered squids and octopodes wriggled all their tentacle arms, clouds of angry ink pouring from the edges of their robes.
“Nay! I say NAY to you! Our Cuttlefish is far mightier than you. And when the stars are right, he shall awaken and consume everything!”
Cod squinted far into the distance, trying to make out the flickering stars through all the water and ink.
« It seems awfully hard to read the stars from here. How will you know when they are right? »
“FOOLISH FISH! We do not read those pesky specks of light! We read the movements of the Starfish who crawl around the floor to know when the Sleeper will awaken. Today was very nearly the perfect conjunction! The third dorsal anterior widdershins Starfish is the only one out of position! We do not expect so perfect a conjunction again for many centuries yet.”
Cod swam over to where the misaligned Starfish was lazily crawling across the floor of the Cosmic Ocean.
« You mean this guy over here isn't in the right spot? »
“Yes! If that Starfish had been only 3 inches to the left, they would have been perfectly aligned and the Sleeper would finally awaken.”
With a brush of the fin, Cod nudged the Starfish into the correct position.
« Like so? »
“YES! Such an alignment would finally allow the Sleeper to awake an-”
The rest of the excited speech was cut short as Cuttlefish, the Great Sleeper who Slumbers Beneath the Waves, awoke and lashed out at the much smaller Squid Cultists surrounding him. Mass confusion ensued. Ichor, ink, blood, and brine went everywhere. Within seconds, there was nothing left of the ritual circle, the tentacled cultists, or even Cuttlefish - as the Sleeper had departed in search of more prey in the Cosmic Ocean.
« Well I can't see any way this is going to end badly. »